ok so

At any given point how does anyone know what they really want to do?  We do what we do in the moment because usually there is something for us TO do.  But what happens when we reach the point where we have to decide what it is we want to do versus what it is we have to do?  Then the question arises of, what makes our hearts flutter more than anything in the world?  Stop thinking about what our parents think we should do, what will make us the most money, what will pave the future for us.  Instead, what makes us the happiest?  This is hard because we get confused.  Our entire lives we have been raised to believe that there is a proper way of doing things.  We go to school, we find jobs, we get married and have kids.  But what if we decide that that's not for us.  What if happiness doesn't lie inside that bubble?  What happens when you've spent the last four years of your life studying something, devoting yourself to it, only to realize that you hate it with every bone in your body and you don't have an ounce of energy to carry on pretending like you care?  What happens then?
Today my friend told me that when her parents and teachers asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up she always responded with, "artist."  Today, she still says artist.
I remember when people asked, my favorite planet was pluto.  My favorite food was ravioli from "La Baguette."  I remember I told people my mom taught Farsi (she didn't) and that my dad worked for my mom (he certainly didnt).  I remember my favorite books were "Hooper Humperdink," and "Berenstain Bears."  I remember loving to draw people.  I've wanted to be an artist for as long as I remember.  Artist transformed into doctor, into professor, into economist, into journalist, into photographer, into artist.  I've gone in a circle.  I'm back.
What do I want to do?  I want to be an artist.  I want to draw and paint and create and design and imagine and.  And that's what I want.
So at any given point, I might be doing something completely different, but I'm thinking about going into my room, taking out my pencil and paper and diving into that world.
I'm not conflicted about what I love.  I've just been scared about admitting it to other people.