the quandaries of a self-diagnosed hypochondriac

Headache, lethargy, muscle pain.  Oh man, all signs of Lyme disease.  When the thought reaches my head, I just can't seem to move past anything else other than "I HAVE TO GO TO THE DOCTOR OTHERWISE I MIGHT DIE."
It's no matter that my headache is probably coming from allergies, I'm tired because I slept late the night before, and I have muscle pains because of working out.  No no.  It's all because I actually have lyme disease and I'm the only one who realizes the severity of this claim.  I'm the only one who has to spend sleepless nights thinking about how I will lose the ability to move my limbs.  That I'm the only one who seriously thinks I have lyme disease...

This is just another episode of Ranna's life as a hypochondriac.  Each day I seem to come up with new things that may be wrong with me.  One day it's a bump on my arm...thats not actually a bump in the opinions of others...but really!  I feel it!  It's there!  Another day I spot a..spot...on my left leg.  It's new.  OH MY GOD I HAVE MELANOMA!  I rush down to tell my mother, who looks at me, laughs and says, "Ran, STOP stressing yourself out!"
"BUT MOM, I MIGHT HAVE CANCER."
"Boro gomsho, Ranna.  It looks like a broken capillary."

DING DING DING DING DING (ALARM SOUNDS)

A BROKEN CAPILLARY ON MY LEG!!  WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?  WILL THIS LEAD TO A BLOOD CLOT IN MY HEAD??? AM I GOING TO HAVE A STROKE!!!!!?!?!

The thing is, I can't help it.  I can't control these thoughts.  They're the first ones that pop into my head when I see something, or I feel something, and when the thought gets to my head, I can't help but to rush upstairs to my computer and WebMD what it may be.  And somehow, I always think the worst possible scenario.  It's never a common cold, in my opinion, its....MENINGITIS.

Which OMG you guys, is probably the scariest thing in my opinion.  One time, in 10th grade, I had to write a research paper on meningitis, and since then, I've been TERRIFIED that I would get it one day.  It's actually one of the biggest reasons I decided to stay home for college.  This is so sad, I know.  I know that you guys are thinking, "Ranna is such an idiot."  But I SERIOUSLY believed that if I lived in a dorm I would contract meningitis and die.  AND DIE.

I've come to realize that I'm a pretty anxious person.  I mean, I stress myself out over nonexistent things, and I really don't understand why I do it.  I cause so much unnecessary stress for myself by thinking that I'm sick all the time.  Why do I do this?  And now everyone is convinced that this is why I contracted shingles.

The POWER OF THOUGHT.  I thought myself into shingles.  I stressed myself out so much about being sick, about coming down with meningitis, or believing I had melanoma, that I in turn, caused myself to become sick.

What should I do about this?  I really don't know.  It's so psychological that I think, "how can I learn to control something that I really can't control?"  After the initial thought I have to keep telling myself to calm the f down.

But I cant.

Because after the initial thought, I'm always consumed with the thought that I have a life-threatening illness and that I have to go home WebMD my symptoms and find a cure AS FAST AS POSSIBLE.

If you don't believe me, come check it out.  WebMD is on my list of bookmarked pages.

So sad.  I know.