I suck

I really do suck at blog writing these days.  But I kid you not, nothing worth writing about has really taken place for quite some time.

Tomorrow my last semester (I swear this time it's true, I even filed my intent to graduate!) begins and I'm just in the weirdest mood.  It doesn't feel like I should be going back to George Mason.  I sort of became familiarized with this 'keep on moving' lifestyle I developed over the summer so it's really going to be weird to be at Mason during the day just hanging out waiting for my next class to start.

When you begin your career as a student in a university you're so young.  18!  18 and we're expected to decide what we want to study that will direct us in what we aim to do with the rest of our lives.  That's so young.  How can anyone be sure what they really want to do with their lives at such a young age.  And then, once we 'pick a major' we lose so much flexibility in our decision making.  all of a sudden, if you decide that what you've studied for the last four years doesn't quite suit you, you're labeled as someone who changes her mind too frequently.  And then!  What's more!  People put so much pressure on what it is that we've studied during our years as undergraduates.  "Oh!  Wow!  Economics!  That's great!  What a great major!"  Yes.  It is.  But what if I actually learned more material I consider to be of value for the rest of my life in other classes.  No one gives a rats ass about those classes.  As long as I have a piece of paper saying I got my bachelor of arts in Economics, everything will be set.

Now, I can see the finish line.  I'm almost there, but part of me almost wishes I could redo my years at George Mason, that I could choose a field of study that was more multi-dimensional, that didn't box human beings into rational-minded self serving individuals.  I wish I could have studied human interactions, cultures, conflicts, real life.

I mean, maybe Ayn Rand had it right, you know?  Maybe she had reason.  But that reason isn't real life! I don't really know what I'm supposed to do with anything that I learned these years.  I feel like I came out of George Mason with a pile of information making me critical of most people around me and what their aims actually are.  I came out thinking that empathy may not actually exist.  That there is no such thing as the proletariat.  That there actually is an "I" in team.  Well.  Well, I don't like it.  In fact, I hate it. I'm so over it.  Go away.  Go away Glenn Beck.  Go away Tea Party.  You guys terrify me.  You're not real.  You're robots.  I hate you.

Bye.


PS.  Excuse the mumbo jumbo.  I guess I have a lot on my mind