"Death will overtake you no matter where you may be, even inside high towers"(Q 4:77-78)

Working at the flower shop, I see my fair share of extreme feelings from both ends of the "feeling spectrum."  There are those who come in, overjoyed at the prospect of the grandiose wedding in the works.  Others walk into the shop slumped over, mourning the loss of a close friend, or a loved one.  I sit here and watch them as they walk into the store, I watch them as they decide what they would like to order, I listen as they tell me their stories. 
Last week, we started getting orders into the store for a young woman who passed away last weekend.  What started with one order, turned into twelve all of a sudden, and somewhere along the line, I got way too emotionally attached the entire event.  I googled the name of the girl, and I read about her, and it became personal.  It was not just another order for a funeral arrangement.  Here was a real life person, someone who had written books, who had spent her life learning about Middle Eastern Art, someone who I would want to be friends with, in another time and place. 

I started to think about death.  One day you're visiting Istanbul thinking you've got your entire life ahead of you, and the next thing you know, there's a tree on top of you, and you're entire life passes before your eyes. 

I'm not ready to die.  I don't want to die yet, and the more I think about it, the more I'm scared that I AM going to die, and there's nothing that I can do to stop it.  Yes, of course, we learn that everyone has a time, that when it's your time, it's your time.  I know death is inevitable.  Of course I know this.  But still, I want to try to push off the one thing in life that's certain.  I don't want it to come my way.  Not yet.  I haven't done anything with my life yet.  There's so much that I'm planning, the wheels in my head are turning, I can almost see it happening, but then there's this looming prospect that tomorrow I might wake up and it might be the last day that I wake up.  Who knows, even? 

I know that this is a "khodah nakoneh," sort of a thing to say.  But if there really is a khodah, then I can firmly assert that he already has his plan mapped out for all of us, and khodah nakoneh, well...khodah mikoneh.  There's nothing that will stop Him. 

Everyone knows that they're going to die, but I wonder when people actually start to think about it.  When older people come into the store, I wonder if they think about dying a lot.  Like, does it freak them out to know that there is a short time limit for the amount of time they're going to be here?  Or have they come to accept it?  But when you're young, like me, I don't think I have to accept it yet.  And I don't want to accept it.  I don't want to accept that theres a short time limit on my life. 

There's so much that people don't do, that they really want to do, but maybe they think they have time to do it later.  But, if we keep pushing off the things that we want, then one day, we're going to be lying there, taking our last breath, and wondering why the hell we didn't do those things when we had the chance. 

I can't let that happen.

Imma let you finish, but....

Sooo... I really didn't mean to do it.  In fact, when I walked into Best Buy today, I was so set on getting a simple phone, no gadgets, no data plan, no nothing.  Just a simple phone I could use...since really...I don't have the best track record with ever USING my phone.

But then, when we got closer and closer to the selection of phones, my eyes started to drift over all of the possibilities.  Oh the options!  I got carried away, I must say.  Plus, with Monsieur Rene by my side, I was not held back in my temptations to purchase a smart phone since he so badly wants one himself.

We left Best Buy and headed to the AT&T store where we were greeted by a wait of about 30 minutes.  Oopss.  That gave us plenty of time to cruse and peruse the store looking at all of the phones.  I kept going back to the iPhone (can you see where this is going?).  It was so pretty, it was so cool!  I HAD to have it.  Once it was our turn, there was no question in my mind that I about to purchase an iPhone.  I had to keep calm, cool, and collected, because who knew, you know?  There are always weird loopholes and restrictions when dealing with phone companies.  But, we kept running and running and running, and no one was stopping me from getting my hands on the iPhone 4.

So, this afternoon at approximately 3:56, I became the proud new owner of the iPhone 4.  I've been playing with it since I got it and I can already tell that it's 100% more a toy than it is a phone...for me at least.  But, I love it.  I know that I in no way shape or phone actually NEEDED to iPhone (but really, who does?) but when my fingers began to graze over it's shiny touch screen, it was love at first sight.  How did I ever live without it?  I'll cherish it forever.

Ahhhh, the joys of the good life.  Kanye would be proud.